


Too Much

by Anonymous



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Other, References to Monty Python, Supernumerary Nipples, The Triple Nipple Club, Title from a Carly Rae Jepsen Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:28:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28438404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Harry Styles attempts to have a wild night out at the exclusive Triple Nipple Club.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3
Collections: Anonymous





	Too Much

Harry Styles stood, shirtless and shivering, in the street. “Please mate,” he asked the bouncer, “Can’t you just let me in?”

“I’m sorry, sir,” the bespectacled bouncer replied, “bur our records clearly state that you do not have three nipples.”

Harry Styles gestured to his ribcage, where the wingtip of his butterfly tattoo just brushed his third nipple, “But I do, mate!”

The bouncer just shook his head, “I’m sorry, we know you have four nipples.”

Without conscious thought, Harry Styles’ hand went to cover his fourth nipple, which he had been trying to hide with his high waisted jeans.

The bouncer tracked the movement with his eyes, and sighed, “If you’d read our bylaws, you’d know that they clearly state that ‘Three shall be the number of nipples thou shalt have, and the number of nipples shall be three. Four nipples shalt thou not have, neither have thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to have three. Five nipples are right out. Once the nipple numbered three, being the third number, be had, then thou shalt be granted entry.’” He pushed his glasses, lowered down by his headshaking, back up his nose, “Do you need me to call our resident combinatorialist to explain it further to you?”

Harry Styles was shaking, no longer just from the cold, but also from suppressed rage, “If I had 4 quid, and entry cost 3, you’d still let me in!”

A gasp rippled through the line behind him, and the bouncer drew up to his full height, “I’m sorry, sir, but bribes are further banned multiple times in our bylaws… _Three times_ to be exact. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Yeah!” Someone further down the line shouted, “Get out of the way! We don’t care how famous you are, the rest of us want to complete our nipple inspections and get inside!”

There was some cheering, and murmurs of agreement rose up. 

Sighing heavily, Harry Styles moved out of the line, shooting one last glare down at his fourth nipple, “Why do you always have to ruin everything for me?” he hissed at it, and would almost swear that he saw it smirk back.


End file.
